


Soil as soft as summer, and the strength to push like spring

by threecoursedessert



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Pre-Relationship, Rey Needs A Hug, and rey still has leia for now, chewie's such a supportive dad in TLJ, mostly just nice fluff, three times rey didn't feel alone, touches of angst, why aren't we talking about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 09:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13431828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threecoursedessert/pseuds/threecoursedessert
Summary: Three times Rey knew her place in all of this.





	1. Support

Rey scans the horizon, looking for their rendezvous point. The rear engine of Snoke's escape craft smokes and rattles angrily, threatening to fall off at any second. It's a miracle the thing is even airborne. She can barely think for all the alerts and emergency beeps going off around her, alerting her to the fact that this ship should not have survived the explosion on the Supremacy and will definitely not survive for much longer. As if she couldn't have figured that out herself from the wing bent at a 45-degree angle, making the entire ship tilt and skew hard to the right, like the Irving boys after a night of too much Corellian whiskey.

She finally spots the Falcon and steers the ship in its general direction. It sputters to a stop several yards away, kicking up blood-red soil in its wake. Heavy black smoke billows out of the cockpit as she rips off the door with the Force, getting clear of the dying ship. She's vaguely aware that she's only in slightly better shape than the ship. Grime and ash dot her face and clothes interrupted only by streaks of dried sweat and tears.

The Falcon has never looked more beautiful, more welcoming. It never felt like it was really hers until this moment. And there's Chewie, waiting for her, right where he said he'd be. It's a minor miracle. He roars a greeting, relieved to see her. He doesn't look surprised to see her alone.

Fresh tears sting her eyes and impulsively she runs up to him, burying her face in the wookiee's thick fur before he can see that she's crying. She's failed. Failed him, the Resistance, Leia, Finn... She's failed that small part of Ben she was so sure she'd seen, so confident she could win over if she'd just tried hard enough.

"I'm sorry, I thought he would – that I could –" Chewie engulfs her in a tight, warm hug that swallows her whole. Her words, her anger, the stench of singed flesh that's been burning her nostrils since Snoke's throne room – they all melt away in the embrace. As her breathing slowly evens out, she vaguely wonders if sending a battalion of wookiees to hug every officer of the First Order would end the war today.

_"Don't worry about it, kid"_

"But I thought I could bring him back"

_"What's important is you came back."_

It dawns on her suddenly how stupid and suicidal her plan to go to Ben must have seemed. When she had first explained it, confident in how reasonable and brave it felt, he had stayed quiet. He could've yelled at her. Or refused to go along with it. He could've abandoned her here and taken the Falcon for himself, with the justification that she was too much of a foolish child to be responsible for such a ship. She waits for him to berate her for being naive or shout at her for failing.

Instead, he says nothing, just gently loosens his grip and roughly pats her head, tousling her hair. It's the kind of reaction she'd expect if she had ridden a speeder bike too fast and sprained her wrist crashing it. She should be offended, but the gesture instead just makes her laugh weakly. He simply accepts her, stupid plans, failures, and all. She doesn't know what she did to deserve that kind of loyalty, but the realization of it overwhelms her.

An explosion far in the distance shatters the moment. The Resistance is still on the other side of the planet, still fighting. Rey takes a deep breath, readying herself for another fray. "Come on," she calls out, rushing to board the Falcon, "we're not done yet."

Chewie doesn't say anything, except a quick roar of approval at her latest plan. Patience and positive reinforcement had worked on Han; he's optimistic that with time Rey will be just as responsive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When a girl says "help me mail myself to our enemy. I swear, it's gonna go well" and you just DO it?! That's some damn supportive dad-ing Chewie.


	2. Connection

Rey sits on a boulder outside the Resistance hangar, meditating. Attempting to meditate. Mostly just failing. When she reaches out, trying to feel the balance of the base, the base only answers back with chaos and noise.

Their small, makeshift base bursts at the seams with a steady stream of fresh recruits and volunteers that have poured in the past couple weeks. The cramped quarters heighten the energy of everyone on base. Those excited for the next battle, those still grieving the friends lost in the last one, and those tense from trying to figure out how the Resistance will scrape by another day, week, month.

The volume of it all irritates Rey. The Jedi texts she stole – scavenged, thank you – were full of lore and wisdom. But they failed to cover the simple mechanics of connecting to the Force and finding balance when you weren't hidden away, practically alone on an isolated island.

She sits on her rock, eyes screwed shut, mouth turned down in a scowl, trying to out-stubborn the Force. She assumes she's the very picture of Jedi composure. A woman's voice next to her breaks her non-existent concentration. "How's the Force doing today?"

Rey opens her eyes to see Leia at her side. She rubs her temples in frustration, "Loud. And unhelpful."

Leia smirks slightly, "Sounds like the Force as usual. Do you mind if I join you?"

"Of course not! I didn't know you–"

"Oh, I don't really. Budge over," Leia waves dismissively as she settles next to Rey on the smooth, flat rock. "Luke was always the star Jedi of the family. Total show-off." Rey snorts. The General's sense of humor is dryer than a Jakku junkyard. But she likes it. It's a relief to see Leia in any mood that's not grief, worry, or stress these days. "Show me what you were doing. Or trying to do," she says.

Rey takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders, "I closed my eyes," she closes them again, "and reached out."

"And what do you feel?"

Rey's brow furrows, "Everything. Everyone is shouting at once. Finn is trying to draw a First Order schematic from memory and getting frustrated because his dimensions are off. A couple is making out in an equipment closet. Connix is embarrassed and worried everyone knows her secret. There's a screw in BB-8's auxiliary sensor that's out of alignment and will be noticeably loose in a week. Our supply of nerf meat is starting to spoil because there's a coolant leak–"

"Shh. Listen," Leia says aloud.

"I am listening, that's the trouble." There's no peace beyond the base either. She can feel a stampede of gundarks on the planet's southern hemisphere. A gas storm brews beyond the atmosphere. And somewhere Ben is screaming at Hux and enjoying every flinch on Hux's face. His delight and rage wind around each other into a single, fiery sensation in the pit of her stomach.

"Listen," Leia repeats out loud, over the cacophony in Rey's mind. She steals a glance at Leia. She has closed her eyes, her expression calm and relaxed. "Can you hear me?"

In the din, Rey hears her own name called out, barely a whisper.

Out loud, Leia says softly, "Focus on it."

Rey can hear the voice, unmistakeably Leia's now, call her name louder. The more she listens to it, the quieter the other voices become. Slowly, slowly they fade until she hears only Leia's voice repeating her name. A sense of peace washes over her. That peace radiates from Leia, steady and strong. Suddenly the cacophony is back, but it's different. Or maybe Rey's different. She is no longer a pebble thrashing, getting beaten up in its waves. Instead, she feels grounded and firm, letting the waves roll smoothly past and through her. The clarity when she stops fighting for control and simply accepts is a balm on Rey's irritation.

She slowly opens her eyes. "Thank you," she says softly.

"My pleasure. You did most of it yourself anyway."

Rey doesn't know why, but she feels compelled to ask, "Did you do this before? For Ben when he was young?"

"No. I wasn't a Jedi. Not that I'm a Jedi now, but back then – I had a very different relationship with the Force. Lots of unresolved feelings about my family and what it all meant and I was very good at ignoring all those feelings. With Ben, I was so afraid I would do the wrong thing. I didn't want my anger or resentment to rub off on my sweet, quiet boy." Leia stops and sighs, the memory of Ben's face as fresh as if he was a child yesterday. "I thought Luke would be better for him. So I stayed firmly out of the way," she smiles ruefully. "I was stupid, basically."

"Just a bit stupid," Rey says lightly, smiling so Leia knows she's only tooling with her. "That was a much better lesson than any of Master Skywalker's."

"Yeah, I bet he talked a lot about Yoda, am I right? Don't bother answering, I know I'm right." They both chuckle. But there's a fresh pain that mentioning his name can't help but surface. Rey feels how much Leia misses her brother, her husband, her son. The loss is a thread woven deeply into Leia's every thought, decision, and sarcastic response. She senses Rey's concern, smiles, and squeezes her hand.

"I'm so glad you're here, Rey. It's good to have someone else who remembers them as they really were." She waits a beat before leaning in conspiratorially and whispering, "In fact, you're my favorite one here. Don't tell Poe. It would destroy him." Rey laughs out loud now, imagining Poe's hypothetical devastation. Leia can't help but join in and the two sit together, giggling, reveling in the perfect balance of the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watch Legion, Leia's trick probably sounds familiar. If you don't, omg you should watch Legion. It's great.


	3. Empathy

Rey sits on the edge of the base's hangar, wrapped tightly in somewhere between two and four heavy blankets. Beyond, a massive snowball battle is underway, no less than twenty of the Resistance's finest fighters are giving it their all. Finn shields Rose from Jess's volley of small, perfect snowballs. Snap shoots every piece of snow that comes near him with a blaster, which seems effective, but not really sporting to Rey.

The months of crisscrossing the galaxy, scraping by, scrounging for supplies, desperate for help and food, have slowly been replaced with a sense of shaky stability. Their numbers are in the hundreds now, not dozens. They have something that's starting to resemble a fleet again. People have started to, not relax exactly, but look for opportunities to relieve the tension. The food fight last week in the mess hall. The great "Program Threepio's Speakers to Blast Corellian Top 40 Hits" caper of two months ago.

Rey had enjoyed the bouts of absurdity but mostly remained a spectator. They made her acutely aware of separate she felt. Alone, amidst the throng of rebels, in her mission to be a proper Jedi, to bring hope, to figure out how to lead. Besides, the impromptu snowball fight was outside. In the snow. She had at first been enraptured by the thick, sparkling white landscape. For maybe five minutes. Then she had realized her fingers were numb and the wind was biting into her exposed skin. It wasn't quite enough to make her long for the sands of Jakku. But it was damned close.

BB-8 whirs up to Rey in her nest of blankets. He beeps energetically.

"No, I don't think you should do that."

A low whistle implores her to elaborate.

"Yes, it would be funny at first. But if you roll around enough to turn yourself into a giant snowball, your traction will be shot. You won't be a giant snowball barreling into the fight, you'd be stuck spinning in... your wheel"

BB8's dejection is palpable, his quiet whine echoing through the hangar. "The hell did you do to my droid?" Poe's sidles up to them. Of course, where there is BB-8, Poe probably isn't far behind. He's only in his jacket, no heavy cold gear on. He clutches a tin mug of hot caf from the mess hall with both hands, keeping them warm.

"Just protecting him from himself."

"Thank you. BB-8's a full-time job sometimes." She smiles at the feigned motherly exhaustion in his voice. BB-8 doesn't seem offended. Poe surveys the battle scene. "Why aren't you out there? You're usually enchanted by... environments. And snow's pretty high up there, in terms of potential for enchantment."

"I'm too cold to be enchanted."

Poe laughs and sits down beside her, directly on the hard, cold floor. "Stars yes, this place is doshin' miserable." He hands her the mug of caf. "Here, you take this." The gesture is so casual, so effortless and smooth, she doesn't question it, simply accepts the mug and its warmth.

"You aren't joining them?"

"Nah, I'm not really a snow guy." From across the field, Snap spots Poe and gestures for him to join the fray, but he just waves him off and continues, "I grew up with heat and humidity. At home the air was always so hot, you could taste it. This," he gestures vaguely, "is too sterile."

Undeterred, Snap launches a snowball in Poe's direction. But it lands unceremoniously on the ground with a wet splat, still several yards away. "Hey, do me a favor? Super quick," Poe gets up and walks the few steps to the edge of the hangar's pavement, bending over and picking up a handful of snow with his bare hands. He brings it back to Rey and sits down, shaping it efficiently. He presents the fresh snowball to Rey, as if for inspection. "Throw this at Snap's head."

"What, with the Force?"

"With your arm, if it's stronger than Snap's. But the Force would be funnier, definitely."

"I shouldn't–"

Poe leans closer and smirks, his voice suddenly low and scheming. "You saw him over there, cheating. It's shameless. Who brings a blaster to a snowball fight? Go ahead, you can say it was Commander's orders if he gives you any shit."

She laughs and bites her lip. Reaching out with the Force, she feels the weight of the snow in his hand. She gauges the heft of it, compared to the distance. Suddenly the snowball sails from Poe's hand, smooth and true, directly into the side of Snap's head. He whips around, shaking his fist at them in mock consternation. "You're mean cheats!" he calls out to them before turning back to the battle.

"Thank you, that was very satisfying." Poe leans back, his smirk now a full-on, stupidly handsome grin.

"Happy to protect your honor," she laughs. He's so... sociable. Popular. And so comfortable with it. At least one member of Black Squadron is almost always by his side. Connix's eyes often linger a little too long on him. She has a look that seems to hint she would jump off a bridge if Poe jumped. Or do a mutiny if he was the one leading it. Leia practically dotes on him. It's a little intimidating; she didn't know being a 'people person' was even a thing before she left Jakku. "Not that it needs protecting. Everyone likes you," she finds herself saying out loud before she can stop.

He smiles ruefully; she's hit a nerve. His lighthearted tone is gone when he responds carefully, "They shouldn't. I'm supposed to be a leader. But most of my leading so far just gets people hurt or killed. Leia says I've made 'missteps in my judgment,'" he makes air quotes around his head. "But she says it in a tone that sounds a lot more like 'catastrophic fuck-ups that may have doomed the galaxy.'"

"You haven't doomed the galaxy. There are–" she struggles to find the words; she still hasn't had much experience with people confiding in her. "There are worse things at work in this universe than Poe Dameron." There. That's encouraging, right?

He meets her eyes, sees how serious she is. He knows he's about to ruin this touching moment, but he can't stop himself. He's only Poe. The amused curve of his mouth and sudden gleam in his eyes give him away. "That's high praise, Rey." Her eyes widen as she realizes how her words sound. She buries her face in her hand, which only makes him laugh harder. "No, no I want you there at my next promotion ceremony to give the speech. 'General Dameron may not be the best, but rebels, listen to me. He's not the worst.'"

She laughs in spite of her mortification. If anything, it makes her laugh harder. Her cheeks hurt from how hard she laughs. When she can finally breathe, she manages to pant out, "No, sorry, honestly I mean–"

"I know, I know. You were being kind. And I ruined it. We were having a moment."

"We're still having a moment," she says, wiping her tears of laughter away.

"Yes we are," he smiles. He gauges his handiwork. The cold, brooding young woman he'd walked up to is now grinning at him, her face bright and pink. Her cocoon of blankets has loosened halfway down her shoulder, the caf's steam keeping her warm. And she really socked it to Snap, can't forget that. He definitely doesn't feel like he's the worst in this moment, here with her.

She returns his smile blithely and sips the caf. Their moment naturally settles into a comfortable silence. He adjusts his seat slightly; they're closer now. Not touching, but close enough to feel the space between them hum with the absence of touch. Rey wonders if he's as acutely aware of it as she is. If it's a Force-sensitivity thing or a Poe-proximity thing. He doesn't press any closer, seemingly content to watch the snowball fight, not touching, just close enough to feel the warmth radiating from each other's body. It's a new feeling, this being alone, but together. She doesn't mind it. She could even get used to it.

A comlink in Poe's pocket chirps suddenly, breaking the silence. He taps it and gets up, dusting the dirt and snow off his pants. "The General calls, unfortunately." In that same casual, effortlessly Poe way that he seems to do all things, he leans over her and brushes a soft kiss on her forehead. "Everyone likes you too, Rey," he whispers into her hair. It feels so natural that it takes a moment for Rey to even register the kiss. By the time she does, he's halfway to the other side of the hangar, BB-8 trailing merrily behind him. "Don't sit there all day, you'll freeze," he calls out as he heads to the conference room. "And then who'll protect my honor?"

She watches him leave, an uncontrollable smile plastered on her face. She downs the rest of the caf. Not moving from her spot, she focuses on a few of the snowballs flying in the air and adjusts their trajectory, subtly at first, then zigging them erratically where nature would usually have them zag. When Finn finally notices and grins at her, she grins back. Right now, on the cold floor, on this wild planet, she feels like she's right where she's meant to be.


End file.
